Chapter 10

I know this post is going to create some conversation. I am ready for the comments, emails, and whatever else comes from this. It’s important to have healthy debate. When I told people I was moving to Scotland I received many congratulatory responses. However, I shall not forget the two specific rules. First not to come back wearing a skirt A.K.A a kilt. Second don’t come back with a white woman. Since I don’t wear skirts and never plan to I’m sure you know this blog is going to be about interracial dating and marriage.

When I first think about the issue I am baffled that African Americans are so against African American men dating outside of their race especially white women. After all didn’t Dr. King march for equality? Didn’t he want all races to hold hand and sit together at the table of brotherhood? Then why is it we can’t date white women? Last time I checked love was color blind. I thought you were supposed to fall in love with a person for what is on the inside and not what’s on the outside. I thought we were not supposed to discriminate against others. I thought you were supposed to find someone who made you happy not your friends and family.

I know personally I have seen some very attractive white women. I will also admit I have been on dates with them and had a fabulous time. They are nice and caring, easy to approach, interested in learning new things, and motivated. These same characteristics I would want in an African American woman. So why can’t I date or marry anyone who meets my qualifications? Why do I have to limit my options because it makes some people uncomfortable? When I do get married I want to be happy. People always want to say that men date and marry white women because we can run over them. Well, have you looked around there are a bunch of black women who let me run over them too. All the reason people give for why men date white can be applied to dating black. What are our real issues with white women, because they need to be addressed?

I was told personally by a few of my female friends that once I became successful I would find a white woman to marry. I asked them point blank why do you say this would happen and their response was “all successful African American men do”. I was also told that if I was marrying a white woman don’t tell anyone just let them show up to the wedding and make it a surprise because some people wouldn’t come. Furthermore I was told that it was more acceptable to date or marry outside of my race as long as she wasn’t white. This is ludicrous! Who made these rules and why didn’t I read them in the instruction manual about life.

I understand that some black women feel their chances of finding a good man are slim, but I honestly don’t believe the statistics. I mean numbers don’t lie, but I believe that women need to step outside the box and be open to meeting people. You can’t find a good man while you are at home watching Lifetime. Furthermore, when a nice man correctly approaches you and asks for your number give him a shot. You might realize he may not be for you, but men do have friends. Do you realize how much courage its takes for a man to approach a women he doesn’t know only to get shot down. Then you have the nerve to have an attitude. You just might be missing out on your blessing.

I believe there are tons of available men who are educated, have good jobs, no criminal backgrounds etc, but as a culture we have to get out of our comfort zones if we plan to meet each other. People can’t meet if we stay in the house. I am the first person to go someone alone. I don’t like sitting in the house. I am wasting time and I don’t have a long time to live. I am not saying you have to go the club and find a man, but in the simplest places such as the gas station, grocery store, mall, or the gym. You may only get one shot to see this person and you have to take the opportunity.

I will let you in on a little secret. If I see a woman I like and I know it’s my only opportunity  I’m approaching her because I have nothing to lose. I didn’t have her number before and if she rejects me then I still won’t have her number. LOL

I also believe that when it is time for you to have a relationship they (black, white, other) will be sent to you, but I don’t think he is going to come knocking at your door. You have to be in a place where he can actually approach you. As a people we should try dating ourselves and ensuring we don’t have any baggage we are taking into another relationship (hint for the next blog). Don’t be afraid to try things because it will let you know what you don’t like.

I am a firm believer we don’t have to follow the original rules of society. A wise man once said “Rules are guidance for wise men and instructions for fools” That was free and it didn’t cost you nothing.